Sports Are Fun

DeadGuysTalking is a sports fan and finds endless sources of humor in the many games and personalities. I offer for you a memorable article in S.I. by funny man and relief pitcher, Dan Quisenberry, "The Land of the Stupid Dances". During the nineteen eighties, Dan Quisenberry led the league in saves five different times (1980, 1982, 1983, 1984 & 1985). He won the Fireman of the Year ward on five separate occasions. A sampling of his beloved wit is below. Dan passed away in 1998, at age 45, from brain cancer.

"A manager uses a relief pitcher like a six shooter, he fires until it's empty then takes the gun and throws it at the villain." Source: The Baseball Card Engagement Book (1989)

"He (Ted Simmons) didn't sound like a baseball player. He said things like 'nevertheless' and 'if, in fact.'" Source: Sports Illustrated (August 10, 1981)

"I found a delivery in my flaw."

"It (his contract) has options through the year 2020 or until the last Rocky movie is made." Source: The Major League Baseball Newsletter (April 1990)

"I thought (while batting) they were in a zone, but they were playing man to man."

"I've seen the future and it's much like the present only longer."

"I want to thank (winning the 1982 Fireman Award) all the pitchers who couldn't go nine innings, and manager Dick Howser who wouldn't let them go."

"Natural grass is a wonderful thing for little bugs and sinkerball pitchers."

"Our fielders have to catch a lot of balls, or at least deflect them to someone who can." Source: Sports Illustrated (May 28, 1984)

"Reggie Jackson hit one (a home run) off me that's still burrowing its way to Los Angeles."

"Strikes (1981) are real life. It took up seven weeks of real time. That's a fifth of a pregnancy."

"They're (California Angels) like the American League All-Star team, and that's their problem, the American League All-Star team always loses."

"When I came over here (the National League), I always heard it was a stronger league, with amphetamines all over the clubhouse, but all I found was Michelob Dry." Source: The Sporting News (April 3, 1989)